Holding Space While Expanding

If I knew life had so many paradoxes and opposites I am sure I would have understood literature written in old english far easier than I experienced. My latest expansion sparks the appreciation and acceptance of balance, it comes on the heels or recoiling -- how be it possible that from what felt like the smallest state of being I can both serve others and honour self?

As a person who identifies with being a support pillar for others it can be a psychological challenge to admit and proceed with the awareness that I am in need of support and I too am working on being the best human life I can be... I am fuelled by a plethora of reasons to be of service to others and held captive by my own decisions and resulting life lessons.

But here it is: I am learning. I am tuning in, turning on and stepping up! I am on the move.

I am stepping in to the collective. I'm answering a call. I've been aware of the energetic world, even long before my asana (yoga) practice.. I have multiple experiences of other energy workers sharing their belief in me and the energy they see around me.. doing their part to guide me toward the work I am on this earth to do... I've been humbling accepting of the support, I really have been, however, simultaneously scared of what it means. So I have kept my distance. Shut down when people read me and shy away from admitting I am inspired, impacted and working with the energy of the universe, the lunar and solar movements... I believe I have always held my knowledge of it privately, as if with shame, or I shut it out when I couldn't remove myself from it.

Let's step outward here: what it means is something entirely up to me and I believe that is a shared experience of one discovering their purpose. I don't think I'm alone here, in fact, how together I feel, I know it to be true.

Energetically, when you feel acceptance it takes over your entire being. The way your heart beats changes, the language you communicate with sounds different, the people around you look different. The scariest level of acceptance is the darkness -- which MUST exist; it is a coping mechanism of belief that struggle or hardship is a sign of bad, a point to turn around at. It's acceptance of paradoxes, juxtapositions and polar opposites that will eventually lead you to waking up to everyday situations becoming so loud in expression that you find, in innocence, cloaked hatred, impatience and rejection in the things you once loved and cherished. It's scary. It's met, though, (and something I must mention) that you also are met with this soul enriching trust and discoverance of true love and home. It satisfies coming home like your being can't possibly explain in words or pictures --

I am open.

More so than I have with the power of my asana practice and teachings.

I did my first ever Celtic Cross tarot spread for myself the other day. I'm visiting friends and family in Maple Ridge, BC, staying at my parent's place. Late one night I pull my deck out, get half naked to be as comfortable as possible and crawl into bed. The house was quiet, my parents sleeping, I lit the room with the bright light of my cell phone and pulled the spread of 10 cards.

I felt excited and proud, just even being open to what needed to be seen, felt, heard... I examined and read about the first 3 cards and felt tired, I rested after writing down the other 7, in order and in detail... It's been 2 days since I pulled the cards and I've examined and settled with 5 of them so far.

Taking my time to learn about each representation. Noting what I see and feel when I lay eyes on it for the first time, taking it slow like no relationship I've ever had.

This new (to me) energy is powerful. I believe it is my next step, our next step... the next step. Oh so natural and just... as is.

I also own that this is my path and perhaps you find inspiration here, perhaps this is part of your own call -- regardless, with trust, this really is about me and I'm going to step wholeheartedly toward what lights me up and contributes to how I show up and participate in this paradoxical world.

Stay tuned as I learn and share what I can. Perhaps you'll be inspired in some way, too. Four slides, 6 seconds each. Enjoy a time out.

With love,

Brittaney